delusions of grandeur

Intrinsick Mag

Launching November 1, 2015 – Intrinsick Magflowchart

INTRINSICK MAG’s goal is to publish one memorable story per week beginning sometime in November 2015, or whenever we can collect enough quality submissions to ensure our unpredictable standards of quality can be upheld.  Our style is humorous, quirky, unusual, unbecoming, uncomfortable, or, best case scenario, a misguided hybrid of all these. Genre is not important, so long as the story is amusing and unforgettable.  Fiction or creative nonfiction, 2000 words or less. Check www.intrinsick.com for guidelines and more info.

More Info – Intrinsick Mag dot Com

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Dino Eggs for Sale

brontocopy

Check out my latest published story in the January issue of Jersey Devil Press.

Brontosaurus, by J.D. Hager

“Jacob found purpose in those eggs. He took them to his sandbox and buried them with exaggerated care. He constructed a small protective structure out of twigs and acorns, and guarded and doted over them like he himself had laid them.”

Dream of Life

sunrise

sunrise in Seattle

Sometimes my memories feel like dreams, and I wonder what really happened. What did I really see? I take photos in hopes I might be able to make sense of it all later. I look back at my photos to be sure that it wasn’t really just a figment of my imaginary world.

Sometimes when I see the photos I become convinced that it actually was a dream, that somehow I have attained photographic evidence that the world is not always what it seems. Sometimes the photo is more of a dream than my foggy imaginary memories. Sometimes the photo feels like proof that this life actually is a dream, which leads me inevitably to the question, can we live our dreams?

Can our dreams be real?

Posted for the DP Weekly Photo Challenge: Dreamy

Bartleby Snopes Issue 12

Attention people of Earth. My short story Droning was selected for the print edition of Bartleby Snopes – Issue #12.

Find out more info HERE.

Download your free PDF version HERE.

Read and enjoy all of the amazing stories published in this issue.

After you have completed this task, you may carry on with your Earthly lives.

Is it today yet?

Yesterday is uncertain,
distorted by memory and the
unreliability of eyewitness reports.

Tomorrow is unpredictable,
a glittery bauble dangling
like a carrot on a string.

Today is all we are assured,
so pay attention and
make it count for something.

Is it today yet?

…Time… (by ĐāżŦ {mostly absent}) on Flickr – (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Today’s rant was a piece of philosophical nonsense that had snuck its way into a story I was writing. I was about to erase it into the ether of the delete key when I decided that it sounded slightly poetic. Rather than delete I should post it as a sappy poem here instead.  But the question remains.

Is it today yet?

A List of Lists

As someone lacking basic organization skills I find lists very useful. Inside the collection of neural tissue so optimistically called my brain, all my words, ideas, and plans for tomorrow are flying around like bats in a belfry. By writing these things down in list form I am able to find meaning in the madness. I am able to see my ideas, prioritize them and wrestle with sequence. I am able to cross things off and forget about them forever. Whether it is a grocery list, a list of places I want to visit, or even a list of chores I hope to accomplish on the weekend, lists allow me to organize the chaotic jumble of my thoughts.

In fact I like lists so much that I have even gone as far as to make lists of lists I want to make. Making a list of lists is like organizing your organization skills, like vacuuming the vacuum cleaner, like breaking your hand while trying to further break your broken television.  I present to you a short metacognitive list of lists I want to make.

  • Bucket lists are lame. I want to make a fuck it list–a list of the things I would do if I had one day left to live. What would you do?
  • The list of mistakes I didn’t make. This list is much shorter than my list of mistakes and therefore depressing to think about.
  • The list of books I pretended to read in order to seem erudite and cool in college. I used to buy stacks of used books and put them on my bookshelf in the hopes that someone would see them and think I was smart. How dumb is that?
  • A list of heirloom tomato cultivars. Seriously though. The mortgage lifter. The green zebra. The banana legs. The scooby doo. The alien vs predator. Okay some of these may be movies and not tomato cultivars, but they should be.
  • The list of reasons I don’t want to be (and never wanted to be) president.
  • The list of stories I started to write and never finished.
  • The list of places I don’t want to visit, like the slaughterhouse for instance.
  • The list of songs I wish I wrote but didn’t because I have never actually written a song.
  • A list of the times I broke the law and/or got arrested. Thank God for statutes of limitation.
  • A list of ways to drive a teacher crazy. I am currently writing a how to guide about this.
  • A list of lists I want to make. Um, wait a second. Cross that one off the list.

Making a list and checking it twice (by kylesteed on Flickr)

Composed for the DP Weekly Writing Challenge: List Lesson

Now to start working on some of those lists.