When most people think of spring and plants they immediately think of flowers. How disgusting. Did you know that a flower is the sexual organ of a plant? Most 7th graders don’t know this, and you should see the look on their faces when they find out. Priceless. I tell them that every time they sniff a flower the plant is using them to perform its sexual biddings. I tell them there are unmentionable things happening between the plants and their little “friends” the birds and bees. I make sure to use air quotes when I say “friends.” Really it’s a depraved nature orgy. And people like to cut the flowers off and display these colorful and pungent reproductive sculptures in their homes. How sick are we?
Personally when I think of spring I think of young, green leaves filling in on the trees and other plants. The leaves are the true workhorse of the plant, creating sugar money in their little chloroplast factories. Sure, they get some help from the stem and the roots as they help collect resources and deliver them, but really the true magic happens in the leaves. They are turning sunlight into food, storing the sun’s energy in their bodies until those calories can trickle down the food chain to all us hungry heterotrophs downstream. Keep your filthy flowers. Give me leaves, and I will know the world will be fed for at least one more trip around the sun.
Compiled for the DP Weekly Photo Challenge: Spring
and, DP Weekly Writing Challenge: Student, Teacher
* disclaimer #1 – this is meant to be humorous and sarcastic. I do not tell my students that sex is disgusting and depraved. I tell them it is wonderful and life affirming and they should all go home after school and engage in it immediately.
* disclaimer #2 – disclaimer #1 was meant to be humorous and sarcastic too.
* disclaimer #3 – I actually do like flowers, even though they are monuments to sinful fornication, and kinda stinky.
Just had to say I love your sense of humor and thank you for the laugh! 🙂
Thank you. I added the disclaimer because a few folks thought this was a serious post. I’m glad you saw the humor.
Hahaha! This is my favorite spring post so far! Luscious pictures of leaves – color, texture, and light – beautiful!
Thanks. Flowers are so over-rated. Not really, but sometimes they get too much attention. Nothing enamors our attention like sex organs.
I’d love to be the teacher who tells 7th graders sex is depraved. How long do you suppose that teacher would keep their job? Only slightly longer than the teacher who tells them “it is wonderful and life affirming and they should all go home after school and engage in it immediately.” Excellent. Thanks for the laugh. And for making leaves seem photogenic.
Huh. I don’t think I’ve ever simultaneously blushed and horked with laughter before. Thanks for this!
You’re welcome. Middle school is all about simultaneously blushing and horking with laughter.