America’s Greatest Invention

After Jasper flipped out and threw that tray of milkshakes into the back seat of that Camaro, Mr. Bowdon took him off drive thru for good. That’s the last straw, Bowdon screamed, taking a straw and crumpling it between his sweaty fingers in an attempt to look menacing. I noticed a smear of ketchup on his crooked tie, and even though Mr. Bowdon was my boss, I felt sorry for him.

Bowdon marched Jasper into the back office and closed the door, and when they came out it looked like Jasper was about to explode and break the shake machine again. He got placed on fry station probation, and wasn’t allowed under any circumstance to speak to customers. Jasper was never exactly a ray of sunshine even on a good day due to the PTS he suffered in Desert Storm. If he wasn’t a veteran I’m sure he would have been fired a long time ago.

After the Camaro incident Jasper’s complaints became more insistent. His every moment was filled with laments about how much he hated J.J.’s, how much he hated Mr. Bowdon, and above all, how much he hated French fries. If I never see another French fry it will be too soon, he always said. Jasper had a habit of telling drive thru customers that we were out of French fries, simply because he loathed all contact with the offensive spudlets. I always wondered why Jasper didn’t just quit if he hated J.J.’s and French fries so much. As far as I could tell, I was the only person who actually liked working at J.J.’s Burger Den, mainly because I loved French fries, and it was pretty much all you could eat in the French fry department.

For all intents and purposes, I lived off French fries for nearly a year.

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